Wednesday, September 20, 2006

II: 186

summer's end --
no longer hoping
for a breeze


- Find over 100 haiku about wind,
from two dozen haijin, at the new
f/k/a haiku on the wind page -

3 Comments:

At September 21, 2006 7:22 AM, Blogger Natalia L. Rudychev said...

Beautifully expressed.

 
At September 21, 2006 10:51 AM, Blogger david giacalone said...

Thank you, Natalia.

You know, I'm always skeptical when I write a poem that "tells" (a conclusion or insight) rather than "shows" and therefore lets the reader draw conclusions, see irony, etc. For me, better haiku juxtapose two images, not an image and an insight or feeling.

I'm tempted, therefore, to change this haiku to something more like:

summer's end --
the breeze
sends us back inside

or (a bit more leading)

summer's end --
comfortable
without a breeze

or

summer's end --
jacket zippered
against the breeze

 
At October 19, 2016 1:15 AM, Anonymous voyance en ligne gratuite said...

Yes a big applause for this article, you have a way of saying things natural way, simple and so true, I pull my hat to you !!

 

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