Sunday, November 27, 2005

I: 001

2nd draft (nov. 28, 2005, 10 PM):

half-shoveled driveway --
we warm our hands
over the turkey soup


original version:

half-shoveled driveway --
steaming turkey soup
warms our hands

2 Comments:

At November 28, 2005 7:58 PM, Blogger Anonymous Poet said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At November 28, 2005 7:58 PM, Blogger Anonymous Poet said...

I like the the second one better. The sounds flow just a little bit better, I think.

 

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